This is what I lack, I lack contentment.
Contentment means…
A state of happiness and satisfaction.
Other words to describe contentment are…
Satisfaction, fulfillment, happiness, pleasure, comfort, well-being, peace, serenity, tranquility.
The more that you believe that God’s grace to you is overflowing, the more you’ll be convinced that you will always have everything you need. And the more certain you are that you’ll never lack, the more willing and able you’ll be to give of yourself and your resources when called for because you’ll be certain God will always replenish your supply.
People who think that they do not have enough, or think that they are not enough are stingy with their time, selfish with what they have, they hold on with all they have to their time. They are reluctant to invest into others because they are worried that they won’t have enough for themselves, not enough time, talent, resources, money, skill, patience and the list could go on. People who who do not think they have enough worry about the future, because they don’t trust that God has their best interests at heart. He knows what is best even if we don’t think that it’s the best way. His ways are not our ways.
I am finding that this sounds more and more like me, the older I get the less energy I want to expend on others or on my time with God. I want what I want because I want it. And I worry a lot, about everything.
I want more money, family time, more stuff to make my house look nicer, more attention from my husband, more time with my girls. All of these are great things and most of them are worthy of pursuit, but what I am realizing is that those pursuits need to come after my pursuit of God. He needs to be my priority. All those other things that I want more of, because I think if I have them and everything is perfect, then I will be content, do not fill the emptiness that can only be filled with God.
Money can feel nice to have, but it never seems like we have enough. Money will only make me feel good for a spilt second, till I spend it, then move on to my next wish. This fleeting satisfaction drives me to want the next new invention, the better house, car, vacation, new clothes and this list could go on. J It gives me no real lasting satisfaction or peace. I might be happy for a little while, seconds, days, weeks or months, but that happiness goes away when the next want takes over. Money cannot satisfy, it is not meant too. The bible speaks clearly about this in 1 Timothy 6:6-10, 17-19 (NLT)
6 Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth. 7 After all, we brought nothing with us when we came into the world, and we can’t take anything with us when we leave it. 8 So if we have enough food and clothing, let us be content. 9 But people who long to be rich fall into temptation and are trapped by many foolish and harmful desires that plunge them into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. And some people, craving money, have wandered from the true faith and pierced themselves with many sorrows. 17 Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. 18 Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. 19 By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life.
Money itself is not evil, it is the relentless pursuit of money above God that is wrong. It is never feeling like you have enough, even though you do, that is wrong. It is not sharing out of your abundance with others that really do not have enough, that is wrong. At one time or another I have been wrong on all accounts. Money will not be a source of lasting joy for me ever. I get it. Only God can be my lasting joy, I know this, but old patterns die hard.
Family time is great, watching movies, going out to dinner, going for walks, time in the park or in the back yard around the fire pit, I cherish these times. I love spending time with Cam and our girls, and as our girls get older their boyfriends as well. I look forward to those times. I am grateful that they still want to spend time with their parents. I know that as they get older we will not have as much time with them, so my desire is to grab each moment and hold on for dear life. I want it to be perfect and can get upset when it is not. When there are arguments, or tempers flair, or feelings get hurt when there was no intent of hurting., I get upset when one of us doesn’t engage in the time as much as the others do, or when one doesn’t really want to play the game, or watch the movie the rest wanted. I get frustrated easily when this happens. Silly me, it all works out in the end, we do have a great time anyway, it may not be perfect, but that’s ok because we are not perfect people. J When I put really high expectations on us/me, I let myself down in the process. I need to learn to be content and let God take care of things. God is the only one who lives up to high expectations. It is unfair of me to expect perfection, it is too much to expect from anyone, it is not humanly possible. I am not perfect, neither is anyone else. Maybe I only see my needs, and don’t really try to see anyone else’s needs. Maybe instead of worrying about perfection, I need to watch closely so that I can see where my family’s needs are, and how I can meet them instead of how they can meet mine. I need to be others focused instead of self focused. J
I believe that in this new season of life that I am entering God is wanting to teach me to find contentment in Him first. Look to Him before anything else. In Him I find perfection, I find unceasing love, I find incredible grace and mercy. In God I find the ultimate Father, the ultimate friend, the lover of my soul, and my Redeemer. He makes all things new including me. He is the one who is walking with me through each season, He promises that He will be with me no matter what, that He is completely dependable. I so need that reassurance as Cam and I enter a new stage of parenting, parenting adult children.
Life is starting to feel very different lately. My whole life has been very wrapped up in my children’s lives. My children are growing up quickly, way too quickly for my liking. Where did the time go? I think I forgot to fully enjoy the stages we were in and wished to get to the next stage, like where there was sleepless nights in infancy, or potty training during the toddler years, or the difficult teen years. Hind sight is 20/20. I wish I had spent more time enjoying the stages instead of waiting till they were over. I know I enjoyed lots during those times, I jist wish I could go back and enjoy them more , I wish I knew then how fast that we would be through all of those seasons, maybe then it wouldn’t of felt so daunting at the time. Don’t get me wrong I loved a lot of what went on during those times, but I was always look forward to when I would sleep through the night, when I didn’t have to change dirty diapers, or when I could reason with my toddlers and teenagers. Funny how all those things that were so difficult then seem so much less so in hindsight.
My children don’t need as much of my time and attention now as when they were little. It is hard to believe that Amanda (24) whom God blessed us with 10 years ago when she was 14 ½ years old is expecting her own child in September, making me a grandma soon(wow). Her boyfriend is great, and she is happy, this makes me happy. It is also hard to believe that Stephanie (22) and her boyfriend of 4 years are talking about marriage. I can’t believe that Jaydyn is turning 18 years old soon, entering adulthood, and will be graduating home schooling and pursuing her chosen profession. Madison will be turning 16 this year and seems to be growing up far to fast. Also she keeps reminding me that she will be allowed to date when she is 16. L I love my children and I am so very proud of them. God has blessed Cam and I so richly with these four beautiful daughters. I know that as things change and our children grow up and move out and live their own lives we will continue to be in their lives and them in ours, but it will be different. I believe that there will also be a lot that is the same, the love we feel for them will be the same, maybe richer and deeper as we all mature more, the sense of family and belonging will still be the same, but it will also expand as our daughters marry and have children, and our hearts will expand too to include whom God brings into their lives. The feeling in our hearts, the pride, the dreaming and hoping for great things for them will never end in this life, it will only continue to grow as God has intended for it to grow. I am so grateful for all that God has blessed Cam and I with in the gifts of each of our daughters, they are exactly who we need to grow and mature and become better ourselves. They have taught us so much over the years, God has been so good to us.
As I stand on the precipice of a new season, I worry, because I usually do, I worry about all the changes. I feel like there are going to be too many changes soon God. Am I ready for this? I believe that God is saying to me that I am ready, not by myself though, but only with His help.
I understand that our nest will be empty sooner than I want it too be. I will also have no control on my daughters day to day decisions, they are growing up and need to take that responsibility on themselves, I find that exhilarating and scary at the same time. Weird huh? I worry about them a little, life can be difficult, it can be a little scary, there are consequences to choices made, some good some bad. Have we prepared them enough? I think so. But I think the real question is do I trust God with them? I believe so? They are all beautiful, intelligent, capable young women. They know God and have trusted Him with their lives, He will walk with them in whatever paths He chooses to take them on. I know this, so why the trepidation? Incredibly He loves them even more than I do. I can’t even imagine the depth of that love??? This is the love He has for me too??? INCREDIBLE!!!! Do I trust God? Will I trust Him? He is asking me this. Yes I do!
Will I learn this lesson of contentment even when everything seems to be changing? I hope so. I believe this is an important lesson, one that He has been trying to teach me for so long. Will I ever fully find my contentment in God and rest in Him and His love for me? Will I ever trust Him so completely that I will not be thrown for a loop when things seem difficult or out of my control? Will I trust Him in everything? With my whole life, and trust Him to be God in my daughter’s lives? I am choosing today to trust Him in all things. I may question Him, but I pray that He reminds me that I have chosen to trust Him completely. I have chosen to be content whatever the circumstances. This is a hard statement for me to make. I have not trusted God easily. I have loved Him easily, He makes that easy, because of His great love for me. But trust has been hard for me, because His ways have not always been my ways. So I find it hard to trust and be content no matter what.
I NEED TO LEARN TO BE CONTENT WITH ALL THESE CHANGES. I NEED TO FIND MY CONTENTMENT IN GOD. When I am content, I am happy, peaceful, satisfied and fulfilled, God promises me all these things in Him. My family is a blessing from God. God has loved them before I even knew them, for He is their Creator. He loves that I love them, but my relationship with God is to be my first priority. When He is first then I am content, because He meets every need that I have. I will continue being content as I continue to pursue Him first. Then I won’t worry about everything being perfect, or needing the next new thing, Praise God that He is enough, actually He is more than enough!
When I let Him be my more than enough, my peace, joy, and contentment will overflow and spill over onto those around me, my family, my friends, and anyone God places in my path. I will not worry about having enough, because He is enough. I will be able to give freely of my time, my energy, my resources, I will be able to invest in others because God will continue to fill me up, I will never be empty again. Praise God!
When I let God be my more than enough, then I can be the Wife and Mother and soon to be grandmother that my family needs me to be. I can be the daughter, sister, and aunt that my extended family needs me to be. Only then can I be the friend, teacher, and confidant that those around me need me to be. Only when God is first in my life, and His loves spills out of me and splashes on those that He places in my life and on my path will I be content, and then have enough to invest in others. I am grateful that God has chosen to love me enough to teach me that I have not been content lately, and has shown me where I need to go to find the source of complete contentment. HIM!
